Friday, February 22, 2013

VDay #mommaprobs {week four}

The last week or so after our weeks of showing each other what Love is, displaying how we Love and having a throw-down VDay dinner for the record books (post to come)... I am still caught up in our family's Love for one another. But to be totally honest, I am caught up in how sustainable our Love is more than anything... because this past week tested more than our Love. It tried our patience, it pushed our limits and taunted our sense of what it is to be Thankful! Amongst some pretty scary times for friends and family members near and far, that always make me pause in prayer, our Little Man was sick too. And I don't mean lay on the couch for a day sick, like he normally is. I mean sitting at Urgent Care for 2+ hours doing blood work sick, puke sick, up and down through the night sick, multiple days of being totally not himself (5 days to be exact) sick!! I am sure anyone can relate that when things or when life isn't 'normal' every aspect of your temperament is tested. Everyone's definition of 'normal' is different, I know that, but when our routine and our 'normal' is interrupted (especially for 5 days) things just get hazy, and our life and our Love seems out of whack!! Our Love is still there, that goes without saying, but let me just say... it ain't a pretty, hand holding, joy in our eyes, sing together in harmony kinda Love. It's more of a groan as we pass each other in the kitchen during the wee hours of the morning Love. An argue thru the day but hug at night kinda Love. A shake our heads in utter exhaustion, yet smile a gritty teeth grin while we walk away for some quiet time kinda Love. You catch my drift....
 {#mommaprobs... I am Thankful Mom, really I am...but why can't we just buy everything I want, when I want it?}
{#mommaprobs... Crying uncontrollably at the mention of the Doctor, cause they swab him EVERY. SINGLE. TIME I take him there}
I read in my daily devotional this week that 'God gives us more than enough; more bread and fish than we can eat, and more Love than we dare to ask for.' This totally made me stop and think, for days think.... More Love than we 'dare' ask for?!?! Do I hesitate in my prayers? Do I hold back in wanting and accepting Love? Do our boys do that? How is that possible? Who would shy away from asking to be Loved and to give Love? As I read further some things came to light within me and my questions where answered 10 fold. We are made with the capacity to Love without ceasing, but we are also made with the same capacity to decide when and how to give that Love. God gave us all free will and the ability to make our own decisions. And we decide for ourselves every day just how sustainable and just how open our Love is going to be. When we don't lead with caring hearts and positive actions we cut off the very thing that God gave us in abundance... Love. The same goes for when our 'normal' is interrupted. If we decide to get lost in that haze, to stay in that out of whacked-ness, we decided to shy away from what is really important. We miss the fact that there is Love in hard times. There are joyous moments amongst tears and yelling... you just have to decide to embrace it, all of it. Only you can roll with difficulty and still decide to interject Love every chance you get. No one can give you the Love you desire or be the answer to your problems (or #mommaprobs) if you won't be that answer for yourself first.
{#mommaprobs... the Love of 2 boys, both different and both trying at times.. but both always AMAZING}
I continue to learn and grow within this God given gift of Love every day (even at the ripe age of 36). But the best part of it all is that I get the fabulous chance to watch our boys grow and learn every day too. I may not always be the best example of an ever accepting Love, but I try and I see them trying too. And I believe that is half the battle... the trying to Love. No matter what, even in whacked out days of sickness and hazy days of arguing there is always Love there, you just have to decide to put it there! 

Always - Abbey

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