Monday, March 4, 2013


There are so many words out there, floating around. We teach our kids to speak with kind words and slow their tongues in anger. We try to show them the right way to string together their words so that they can be heard and understood... 'use your words, honey!" But sometimes there aren't the right words, or the right words come at the wrong time or the wrong words come at the wrong time.  And we are left without words? How do you explain that sometimes people use words to hurt you or confuse you or even to belittle you? When is it ok to look at those innocent eyes looking back at you for explanation and tell them that not all words have the best intentions? Hell... I am still trying to teach myself to dance around words that hurt or words that sting or even words that catch you off guard!!! How can I teach our little guys, if I am still learning? And better yet, what do you do when you teach your kids by example to speak with kindness and respect, yet others don't give you the same words back? There isn't a right or wrong approach to this aspect of parenting or life, for that matter. Everyone is different and everyone's words are formed by what and who they have around them. It is what it is. It's what makes our world both glorious in it's own right, and terrifyingly frustrating all at the same time...
We try to keep things honest and real around our house. No question is off limits and no feelings left unheard. We dance in the kitchen after dinner to music that some might think twice about playing for their 9 and 5 year olds. But that's us!! We don't shy away from explaining the meaning of words in songs, on TV or the computer. That's just the way we do things. It might backfire on us now and then, like when our little man's teacher tells us that he was gladly singing along with his friends at recess to the tune of and Brittany Spears latest song... you know the one.. "Brittany, Bitch", yea that one!!! Ha! There's one that backfired on me!!! We no longer listen to that song, thank you very much!!! But our boys do know the real meaning behind the word, bitch!!! And not to ever use that word!!!
Either way, lately I am finding that no matter how much real life we prepare them for, how many words we share with them or prep them with... there are still going to be times when we are left speechless as parents. There are going to be times when our heart breaks watching our loves experience the true let down of hurtful words or actions. We can't prepare them for everything, we won't be by their sides forever. Sometimes even what seems like a simple thing, like making new friends, can be hard. I am even finding it a surprisingly hard transition to watch our big boy play out front with a new 'friend' without me being out there to monitor or supervise.  A friend I don't know in and out, who I didn't introduce my son to and haven't met the parents of. A bigger boy, who seems a little too mature for our 'big boy'. But I do it... I let him go out front, exchange words and play his way into a new friendship. I may be standing at the front window, behind the curtain, straining to hear every word spoken... But he doesn't need to know that, for now!
In my heart I know that the day to day love and support we give our boys will guide them through whatever happens in their lives. I can tell that our openness has given them words of growth and strength when they needed it. And I pray that continues as they get older. We will have words that backfire on us and words that we didn't prep for, but hopefully we won't be left speechless. I want our boys to search for the deeper meaning in their words. I hope they speak with kindness and purpose. I need them to sing at the top of their lungs to Jay-Z if that's what gives them the confidence to move forward in whatever it is that challenges them. Without words I would be lost. I would be unmotivated and deprived of the joy of expression. There are times when my words escape me and I find them at the wrong time... but I never stop speaking or writing or singing. I trust that our boys will see that in me, in us as a family and carry that with them wherever they may go! 
Always - Abbey

No comments:

Post a Comment