37 years of being 'that girl'

As the day of my birthday approaches, not much has changed through the years. I still get giddy knowing that a special day is ahead but I also feel a little twinge in my heart knowing that another year has passed. I am still that girl that worries about little things but tends to leap into big things without a thought. I feel younger at heart now than I did when I was 27. I hope and dream and want to create more for myself than ever before, but I'm still that girl that doubts. I can drum up a thousand things in my head and whip it all out on my blog but when it comes to spilling it face to face sometimes I freeze. I'm that girl that never feels good enough but deep down knows I have something special that's sometimes misunderstood, even by myself most of the time. I have crazy dreams and inexplainable wishes. I am that girl that will try anything once and loves the unexpected. And, Boy, let me tell you... if there was a casting call for 37 year old 'Fly Girl' dancers, I'd be first in line... just saying!!!

I am hard on myself and even harder on those that love me. I am that girl that has high expectations but low self esteem at times and that doesn't mix well with half of the time. I love with everything I have and fall quick. Whether it's a love for my family or loving to work hard at something, I give it my all. Since I can remember I have always been that girl that takes care of everyone before myself and loves seeing others smile because of her kindness. I have learned in the past 37 years that this type of care taking quality isn't always a good thing, especially when you look up and see that you haven't cared for yourself in a long time. I'm the girl that just now learned to be selfish and feel ok with it. I only recently learned how to be happy alone and feel content. I used to think a full calendar and tons of friends meant you had meaning in your life. But now I am that girl that craves time at home, searching for silence and peace from within myself. I learned the hard way that not all those that surround you should be called friends, no matter how hard you try to fit into that friendship mold.

It's easy to say if I'd only known then what I know now... but lately I don't feel as though that holds true for me. What I know now has shaped me into the women I am today, and I like her. There where times growing up that I don't think I liked myself very much and even if I could have the ability to know it all, I doubt that would have impacted me enough to change my self perception along the way. Now... if I could go back and be Jennifer Gardner in 13 going on 30, I'd be all over that!!! I would totally be the girl to rock out to Pat Benatar and lead a Michael Jackson dance routine at a fancy adult party!!!! Playing a role like that or being able to go back in time, either way, I know I would end up where I am today, loving who I do with all of my heart, giving until it hurts and eventually learning to trust whole heartedly that God made me perfectly! Even if I am 'that girl" I will take it any day of the week and twice on Sunday!! Because I know there isn't another girl like me out there! Here's to the next 37 years... May every minute be taken as a blessing, every second soaked up in love, wrung out with joy and a splash of laughter!

Always - Abbey