Girls of Grace

There are so many things and words to describe a girl. Some more flattering than others. I won't go into listing them but let me tell you, for myself there is one and one word only that I want used to describe me. Grace.
For so long I yearned to be thought of as so many things, popular, athletic, pretty, worthy, funny... the list could go on, but I didn't latch onto the word Grace until I was about 30. Women can be so fickle and I was no different. Girls are very impressionable and I followed suit. Ladies judge whats on the outside more than what is truly on the inside and I judged hard. I always joke that God blessed me with boys for a reason, and that reason being I was not an 'easy' girl to raise. My family adoringly jokingly nicknamed me 'crabby Abbey' for a reason! I cried continually as a baby. I talked incessantly as a toddler. I rolled more than my fair share of eyes as a teenager... and don't even get me started on early adulthood! I know that God really bestowed Mercy and a dab of Grace on me by not making me a Mom to girls. And for that I am thankful.... Not that I wouldn't have loved a girl if one had been blessed to us, but I know that I would have struggled all over again with my own girlish troubles having to raise one myself.

I listen too easily to the whispers around me and carry those words heavy on my shoulders, especially when they are words whispered in judgment. Girls are whispering queens! How is it that we know from a young age to exclude, size up, and push each other's buttons? Instinct? Following examples? Survival techniques? Mimicking socially accepted behaviors? Probably a combination of all of the above...
Growing up I wished at times to have the super powers of that girl in the TV show 'Out of This World." She could stop time with the touch of her two fingers. When she did it, it would freeze everyone around her and she could get herself out of sticky situations! She used her fingers to freeze time and had endless chances to undo hurts or misunderstandings amongst friends before things got crazy! Man, what I would have done with that power!! I would have burned my pointer fingers out trying to stop all the whispers floating around me growing up! Now, just to clarify {cause I can hear my mother in my head whispering 'don't make it worse than it is Abbey'} not all of the girls I have met in my life have been 'pause time with my fingers' whisper worthy. There have been many that have bestowed Grace on me. Who taught me that some whispers are just words said while laughing so much you are out of breathe. Those girls are who opened my eyes to the importance of giving Grace and accepting it. They were leaders, girls ahead of their time that showed me how to not get lost in the shuffle. Because just as I go on about how difficult it can be to grow up a girl, it can also be a wonderful and empowering gift. I know whole-heartedly that if I hadn't gone thru the difficult times sifting through the harsh whispering with some girls, I'd have never learned to open up to the fun, laugh until you can't talk whispering times!!!

When we as girls open up to the description and use of the word Grace for ourselves, and more importantly for others, we have the chance to change the horizon that dawns each day for all the little girls out there. We can be leaders of a new type of girlhood, one that doesn't rest in hateful whispers but lifts us up through stregnth and compassion ! With time we could amplify the inner confidence in us all as women if we'd just allow acceptance to be our balance and scale. I have seen it happen in just a short time recently. Women supporting one another. Not competing. Not working against each other, working alongside each other. It brings tears to my eyes how easily it can happen if we just give Grace.
I am sure I will have more to write on this later, but for now I just had to open up and get rid of the whispers in my head. Because once you release the bad, it's all good from there!!!

May Grace be given and Grace received. And my you all be Girls of Grace....

Back Then

Back then I never thought I'd be where I am today. 

I thought 38 was an age of old people, people I'd never turn into. 

Time was an elusive thing that didn't matter or apply to me. Making the most of my time wasn't high on my list of priorities...

Heck... I didn't even know what were priorities back then?? 

Flash forward 20 years from back then and I am faced with seeing people I haven't seen other than on a screen... Which secretly is fine by me! What should I expect? From the comfort of my computer screen, we all seem to have way more in common than I thought we ever could. 

I find myself reaching out to people I'd never in a million years think to reach out to back then. 

By God... they even reach out to me!!! 

Who would have thought?? Sadly, not 'that girl' I was back then.

The disappointing reality to going through life like that is that it burns a lot of time away and disconnects you from people God really wants you connected with. It's wasted opportunities for living in a realm of acceptance for both yourself and for others. A place where you are comfortable and loved and give love back without a second thought. I know now there is and was a reason for the misconnections and inability to reach out back then. It's all part of a greater plan, a plan that I didn't know to trust or follow back then.
I can't help but want to rewind time a bit and force myself outside my comfort zone, push the envelope with the people I deemed 'not for me' back then.

It's a short lived wish though, to rewind time, because I know it wouldn't do a bit of good.
It's not my plan to alter or change...

 Moving backwards is no way to live forward. 

I adore the place I am now and the people I connect with daily. People who reach out to connect with me even before I notice to reach out first. Time isn't elusive and making the most of it is totally a high priority! I am thankful for the connections of the past but relish the ones that have brought me full circle in the present. 

Learning to lean into God's work has opened up a trust in knowing it's never too late to reach outside your comfort zone or put yourself out there. 

What's the worst that can happen? 

You try and you learn. You move and you change. 

20 years can pass in a blink of an eye.

 I am happy to say that I was surprised by the face to face meetings I had when we all gathered together...

20 years older, not old people like I thought we'd be... just older than back then. 

I smiled at the hugs and 'how are you's' that were so easily said. 

I listened contently as I was reminded of who we were back then but more importantly I heard more accounts of who we are proud to say we are now.

 I couldn't get past the fun and the laughter...

It was way better to me now than it was back then.

Thanks for the trip down memory lane, Class of 1994. 

But most of all thanks for embracing who we all are now in 2014...

Hope to see you again soon... 

And not just on a computer screen and hopefully sooner than in another 20 years!

Embracing You

Growing up. Getting older. Maturing. 

None of it is easy. Rarely do we get to fully huddle around the knowledge and wisdom that age brings. By the time we need that knowledge, at whatever age we needed it, we either don''t quite grasp it or haven't a clue what to do with it. And once we do, that time has passed. All we can do is embrace the you that is of now, in the current time and space. 

As I watch our boys growing up and learning to find themselves I can't help but feel a squeeze in my heart. Not just because they aren't babies anymore but really because I hate the fact that they can't see what amazing beings they are right here and now. They, just like us all, are worried about where they fit it, what can they do next and how will they get to go conquer the currently deemed 'big thing!' I ache for them to know that who they are is so very precious, no 'big thing' necessary. I wish and hope that they have an easier time loving themselves thru the stages and ages in life than I did. I want them to embrace who they are and not feel as tho they have to shape and mold to fit into this world. The world will shape and mold to them if they just hold tight to the grace that was given to them when they were formed!

Loving yourself is one of the biggest gifts of mercy our God gives us, but it's also one of His biggest lessons in faith, trust, and obedience to His word. I didn't know that until just recently. I pray our boys will learn it sooner than I did. 

Until then I will keep whispering and repeating my mantra of "Remember Who You Are Boys..." and circle them {and myself} in prayers of embrace!

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing...

Ecclesiastes 3:5