Monday, March 16, 2015

Lead Me

Do you ever feel led? Pulled toward something or someone? Has a thought or word lay on your heart so heavy that it just repeats endlessly within you? I have had words on repeat in my head for more than a week now and they resonate so loud that I have to give pause to my day to just sit and take them in over and over again...
When I heard this song I immediately cried. I know I am a sap... 
Admittedly so I cry at commercials, songs, movies. 
When I talk about said movies, songs and commercials, I cry. 
I am a crier.... I digress.
But this was a different cry, it was a visceral cry. One that came on without thought or notice. It over took me like wind that hits you when you turn the corner from walking around a tall building in the winter. It still takes my breath away just thinking the words or whispering the words to myself.
I have felt led before... Led to my husband. I always said, and still say there was just something about him. I know people say that all the time, but there was. He was for me, and I him. 
Led. I was led to being a mom... maybe not willingly at first, I doubted the heck out of my ability but I do feel like God was leading me through and to both of our boys. Led.
But this is a weirder leading... it's subtle and thought provoking. It is one that I feel more sturdy in. A leading that I may not fully understand but don't feel panicked about or worried I won't be able to fufill or follow.  Usually if I feel a goal set before me or a challenge laid in my midst I will stew and fret over it. 
{Hello OCD plus major procrastinator, have you met? I am sure you know each other well.}
But this time I can tell that this passion brewing isn't mine to mull over... I truly feel like He is in control. I am excited and anxious but not overwhelmed. I feel my faith getting stronger and I know that I hear a call. To what? I haven't a clue...
But that's the beauty, I don't have to have a clue. God has them all and in His time they will be presented to me and for me. I just have to have the patience and discipline to wait and watch and be ready when the next clue is given.

Tomorrow I was asked to speak at a MOPS meeting about 'Being Brave.' Me... the girl who can put on a brave face in front of others but loses it when she is by herself for too long. Needless to say I am honored and terrified. There are so many things swimming in my mind that I want to say. I mean, can I just pull up a chair and pour a cup of coffee and share stories about my fears, failures, successes, and hard learned lessons for hours?!?! You're damn right I can. But who in their right mind would stick around for that? All the ladies would be like, who is this nut job they brought in to talk? 
Either way, I have prepped and prayed and procrastinated my fair share of shaping this 'brave' talk I am supposed to give, and I think I'm good to go? But I can't help and wonder if this is a clue of what's been stirring inside? Could this be a step toward more of what I am being lead to do? I don't know and really I don't want to guess one way or another. I just pray to be led. To talk and share without fear or hesitation. 
To embrace whatever is being placed before me with open eyes, ears and arms.

Trusting without Borders... It's a good thing.

No comments:

Post a Comment