Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Back Then

Back then I never thought I'd be where I am today. 
I thought 38 was an age of old people, people I'd never turn into. 
Time was an elusive thing that didn't matter or apply to me. Making the most of my time wasn't high on my list of priorities...
Heck... I didn't even know what were priorities back then?? 
Flash forward 20 years from back then and I am faced with seeing people I haven't seen other than on a screen... Which secretly is fine by me! What should I expect? From the comfort of my computer screen, we all seem to have way more in common than I thought we ever could. 
I find myself reaching out to people I'd never in a million years think to reach out to back then. 
By God... they even reach out to me!!! 
Who would have thought?? Sadly, not 'that girl' I was back then.
The disappointing reality to going through life like that is that it burns a lot of time away and disconnects you from people God really wants you connected with. It's wasted opportunities for living in a realm of acceptance for both yourself and for others. A place where you are comfortable and loved and give love back without a second thought. I know now there is and was a reason for the misconnections and inability to reach out back then. It's all part of a greater plan, a plan that I didn't know to trust or follow back then.
I can't help but want to rewind time a bit and force myself outside my comfort zone, push the envelope with the people I deemed 'not for me' back then.
It's a short lived wish though, to rewind time, because I know it wouldn't do a bit of good.
It's not my plan to alter or change...
 Moving backwards is no way to live forward. 
I adore the place I am now and the people I connect with daily. People who reach out to connect with me even before I notice to reach out first. Time isn't elusive and making the most of it is totally a high priority! I am thankful for the connections of the past but relish the ones that have brought me full circle in the present. 
Learning to lean into God's work has opened up a trust in knowing it's never too late to reach outside your comfort zone or put yourself out there. 
What's the worst that can happen? 
You try and you learn. You move and you change. 
20 years can pass in a blink of an eye.
 I am happy to say that I was surprised by the face to face meetings I had when we all gathered together...
20 years older, not old people like I thought we'd be... just older than back then. 
I smiled at the hugs and 'how are you's' that were so easily said. 
I listened contently as I was reminded of who we were back then but more importantly I heard more accounts of who we are proud to say we are now.
 I couldn't get past the fun and the laughter...
It was way better to me now than it was back then.

Thanks for the trip down memory lane, Class of 1994. 
But most of all thanks for embracing who we all are now in 2014...
Hope to see you again soon... 
And not just on a computer screen and hopefully sooner than in another 20 years!

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