If I could...

In times like these I get a constant rush of feelings and thoughts, some rational, some not so rational. When others experience tragedy and horrible events take place, I think, most people can't help but evaluate their own lives and the surrounding events and take stock of their own situations. My mind goes into overload, praying, wondering, asking questions, pondering, begging for answers, whispering little words of thanks for what I have and what I continue to be given.
If I could I would take all the pain away of those waking up in a nightmare today. If I could I would offer all that I have to those who no longer have their loved ones to hold. If I could I would pray more, not just when sadness hits. If I could I would hit a pause button and rewind the last 72 hours, in hopes that giving a 'redo' would lead to a different outcome. If I could I would keep my team of 4 huddled together, so close that we'd have no needs outside of our 4 walls.

But the reality is, I don't have those abilities.... the giving and the taking in life isn't up to me. Some things, most things aren't up to me to make heads or tails of. What I am here for is to follow, to hold fast to my faith and to live life one moment at a time. No one will ever be able to explain or make sense of what happens in this life, we weren't made for that. God's will isn't up to me or anyone to decipher, it's just there for us to live. No matter how hard it gets, or how many times we as a society see horrific actions take over and we are all left standing and shaking our heads in disbelief, what we are called to do is just be faithful. To lift our eyes to him and look through the tears and although we feel blinded by heartache, we are asked to remain steadfast in our God given grace. Share it with others even when it's gut wrenching. Show it to those around us even when they don't want to look. Give that grace back, ten fold, especially when no one seems to want to take or give themselves. Hold tight to what you have, squeeze and love with all your heart. Put aside personal judgment and pray with an open heart. Give and you shall receive, but also give when you don't receive... that's what is asked of us and it's what I can do and will do no matter what surrounds me.

In continued prayer...

Always - Abbey