Sometimes I look at you, Jacob Robert, and forget that you are mine. Not in a bad way, just in a way that baffles me to know that this amazing being standing in front of me came from me. Sometimes I know exactly how you feel because I can remember feeling that same way at your age, and I smile knowing that we are connected through more than DNA, hair color, and visual impairedness {not sure if that is a word, but it is now}. Sometimes I stand in awe of the soulful thoughts that so easily come from your lips and thank God that you are mine and that I get the privilege of hearing your wise beyond your years thoughts. Sometimes I feel like we've grown up together because you have taught me so much about realizing and embracing your feelings so that ultimately you can better embrace the you that God created. I can't fathom not having you around. From the moment you were born you made your presence known, sometimes with force and stubborn struggles, yet more times than not with quiet reserve. Sometimes I wonder if you'll ever truly know how blessed you are my son...
This year, your eleventh year, it's like I am getting to witness and whole new boy. Sometimes it scares me, other times I can't stop smiling and I'll admit it there are times I shed tears for you and with you when you're not looking. Sometimes I pause while walking beside you as a way to savor the new you a bit longer and to recall my baby {yes, I will always call you that}. You are confident and ready, no longer scared to walk into new situations. You are poised and anxious to be you, not hesitant and doubtful to start out... You are gaining self-stregnth! Yes, sometimes those nervous threads of you still surface because they are part of what God uses to lead and teach you, but they are becoming less prominent in the fabric of who you are Jacob Robert. Sometimes I get choked up thinking back to the little boy who wouldn't let me leave him in Kindergarden without a crying fight compared to the big 5th grader who I was honored to walk side by side with into a brand new school and see you take it all in without a second glance back to me. I literally stopped in my tracks seeing you the other day coming out of intermediate school orientation. I was stunned to see your determination and demeanor that spoke volumes to your new found self-awareness.
I was so proud of you and for you my Love.
It's amazing the person you are becoming.
You are touched by God my big boy.
Even if you forget that sometimes, never forget that I will ALWAYS be here to remind you of who you are, where you came from and help you to continue going where you are destined to go!
Happy 11th big boy!
